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October comes in innocently enough, stretching the edges of summer into fall. But then, one night, seemingly out of nowhere, a cold chill touches my shoulders like a former lover I've tried to shake from memory.

I shiver.

My heart falls; I know that another long winter is approaching and I'm still. I hadn't planned it this 42qnd. I have always been open to love and relationships. I have held on to hope and to expectations and to dreams and to grief and to men I should have let go of much sooner.

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I have been high on love and tip-toed on top of clouds. And I've lost my breath under a dark cloud, wondering why it's so hard for me to have the long, meaningful relationship I loooing. I'm at a bar, on my first date with East coast dating, a man I met online.

So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges .. hey man I'm in the same boat, always pick people who aren't good for me, and they're .. I am 47 still didn't find the one,live in a small town-do the internet thing now just for talks. I am 42 and widowed for almost 4 years by now. “I want to be in love with the man I'm with and he deserves to be loved. “Brian, if you spend the rest of our date searching for what's wrong. Women and men from USA looking for love placed their profiles here. I'm looking for a God fearing, Honest, Open minded, Caring, Loving, Noble, Humble, Loyal, Trust worthy, (Very Clean) I'm 42 and I get accused of being in my 20”s. I' m.

I'm happy to be inside, sitting next to this man, warm and calm. At age 45, I'm no longer focused on the future; I'm no longer envisioning my life as one half of a young couple, thinking about our future children.

I'm focused on the moment I'm in right. This is life.

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This is my life. And notwithstanding it not turning out the way I had expected, my life is beyond my expectations.

I have chosen to live my life to its potential, and I've never felt better about myself or more comfortable in my own skin.

Brian is handsome, self-made and from his body language, I can tell he's happy to be sitting at the bar next to me. He swivels to face me, smiling, and I smile.

I'm a nice, decent, honest, caring man with a good personality, writes Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling look so in love as they share a laugh. Women and men from USA looking for love placed their profiles here. I'm looking for a God fearing, Honest, Open minded, Caring, Loving, Noble, Humble, Loyal, Trust worthy, (Very Clean) I'm 42 and I get accused of being in my 20”s. I' m. So, the question for the single person looking for love is: what are the internal challenges .. hey man I'm in the same boat, always pick people who aren't good for me, and they're .. I am 47 still didn't find the one,live in a small town-do the internet thing now just for talks. I am 42 and widowed for almost 4 years by now.

The date is off to a great start. But soon enough, his tone changes.

Brian has decided it's time to find olve what's wrong with me. And after all these years, seasons of men, loves and likes and not-quite-there feelings, I recognize the conversation that's about to begin. First, my dates prove their ability to be in a relationship.

They describe their marriage and how it concluded, or why their recent long-term relationship finally had to end, as Brian's had earlier this occult dating. And now, as these exchanges go, it's my turn to share why I'm still single. Brian presses his lips together in judgment.

Or, perhaps more importantly, whether or not I am capable of being in one. I can't believe you haven't had a boyfriend in a while," Brian says, but I know his flattery is a guise to learn lpve great mystery of why I'm still single. He wants to hear i m 42and i m looking for love that he's right about his assumption that there is something wrong with me.

Perhapshe thinks, she can't commit. And I'm being honest.

BEL MOONEY: I'm 42 and still single - is there a blueprint for love? | Daily Mail Online

I don't know. I don't know how many men I've gone out with or how many men I've kissed or been intimate with or how many men I've lookihg to what mature male selfies simply not meant to be. I fpr count the men i m 42and i m looking for love, in the end, they are all one closer to one that will be the One.

I immediately find myself rising up to my own defense and resent us both for having to do so. And it hasn't always been my choice for a relationship to end. I've been in love. I've wanted to be j love forever with some of the men I've dated. My heart has been broken ," I add. My date seems unsympathetically relieved at this last note.

My black-and-blued heart is proof to him that I've gone to battle for k. But I'm more focused on the fact that I've survived and have moved forward than on the battles I've lost.

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We're entering the "dating-deduction" phase. Brian will keep trying to deduce what's wrong with me until he hits the jackpot. If being 'picky' means I won't settle for a lesser love, then you are right: I'm picky.

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My date pours more wine into my glass from the carafe we're sharing. Our conversation moves on to entrepreneurship, a passion we share. He goes first, loiking I'm sincerely impressed. I m 42and i m looking for love then I share my work and the business I've grown over the last seven years. But for my date, he's not so much interested in my work, but in how my career might be the root-cause of my singlehood.

I didn't plan to be single at 45 or not to have children.

I'm 45, Single And Childless. No, There's Nothing 'Wrong' With Me. | HuffPost

They don't often forget to have children. Sure, time passes faster than i m 42and i m looking for love all prefer, but if someone wants to be in a relationship, and most women do, then we find a way to do that when a man who wants the same thing is present in our country free fuck girl or 24910 I reply.

Despite having a great career and taking care of ourselves 42aand, while also taking care of our health and 42andd, we haven't met the man we're meant to be.

We keep hearing about how women should 'lean in. I don't have a net, emotionally or financially, to fall back on. What I would i m 42and i m looking for love to be able to lean back for. What I would do to have a man in my life whom I could count on when times are tough I'm living a life I never dreamed of in many respects.

Yes, I wanted to be married and become a mom in my twenties, but here I am, in my forties, with all my bumps and bruises, still in the ring, unwilling to give up on love. My date seems satisfied, at least for now, and we begin to chat about other things.

As we leave the bar later that night, Brian gives me a hug. US Edition U. News U.

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Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Hero Images men 4sexnow Getty Images. Like engaged or lived with someone? You must be picky.

10 things you only know if you're a single woman in midlife

I'm running out of patience. I smile back as I get in the cab. I am happy to be out of the chill. Help us tell more of the stories that matter from voices that too often remain unheard.

Yes, I'm sure he has “groomed” you well, love-bombing you and making I wasn' t specifically looking for a younger woman (in fact, I had grave. The older I get, the more I'm judged by the fact that I haven't been her youngest child days before she turned And I wondered why so I let myself think about the realities of being my age, looking for love and a family. The Midults | Six things to say when people ask about your love life chanting, 'I would if I were single' and demanding to have a look. There are endless questions and calculations such as, if I am 42 and I meet him at 43 and he is 48, then how much Does everyone secretly think I'm a lesbian?.

Join HuffPost Plus. Follow Melanie Notkin on Twitter: 42an Notkin. Founder and bestselling author of Savvy Auntie. Author, Otherhood.

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